Last week was the best block of training I have done this year. Maybe ever. Three days in a row of some pretty good vertical in some beautiful high alpine settings. It made me confident and fearful all at the same time. I can hike, and Hardrock is a hiker's course. I'm pretty solid at altitude, and Hardrock has plenty of that. It also has so much vertical in its hundred miles that I wonder if it will destroy my quads. The altitude could screw up my stomach and make it hard to eat. I could end up simultaneously puking and crying at mile seventy while my legs give up from under me. These are some of the things I think about on a long downhill. These are the fears and doubts that attracted me to this endeavor in the first place. I am not sure if I can complete this course, and this is the draw for me. I like the uncertainty, the soul searching that always accompanies a long journey. I want to embrace the mountains and truly understand their scale.
I have been nervous lately about getting injured or doing something stupid that prevents me from starting. All it would take is a twisted ankle on a training run, crashing my bike on the way to work, one of my chronic injuries to flare up again. Sometimes I feel so fragile. Then I have to remember that I have already received many of the gifts that a big goal provides. I have a purpose, and it drives me to make myself better, stronger, more resilient. Most importantly it has made me feel closer to my surroundings, more in tune with the natural world, and that is the reason I love trail running in the first place.
This is going to be good.
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